


Lying Next to You

by Celine1618



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 22:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5643649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celine1618/pseuds/Celine1618
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Canon-compliant.  A glimpse of what happens prior to the 2x01 scene where Delphine draws blood samples from Cosima in bed.  One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lying Next to You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thetravelingkid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetravelingkid/gifts).



> For thetravelingkid, because she asked. Super angsty.

The light was orange-brown against her closed lids, jarring against the haze of last night. A little too much wine, too much worry, elation at being let close.

Felix had dipped out as soon as she arrived, texting Cosima hours later to say he’d stay out to give her space. Delphine knew he didn’t like her, his words and scowl clear enough, but she was grateful to him in any case. 

He had allowed her this.

She looked down at the sleeping form next to her, cradled in crimson sheets. She was curled into Delphine’s side, head tucked under her chin, arm over her torso, leg tucked between the blonde’s. As close as possible. 

Delphine hadn’t slept so soundly since she was a child. Forgiveness the most incredible drug. Especially when it was undeserved.

Delphine thought Cosima looked so different without her glasses, face washed clean of makeup and her signature eyeliner. She looked so vulnerable, so trusting, so beautiful. 

Delphine struggled with her own emotions and motives. She felt the guilt crashing over her, knowing she would continue to betray Cosima in small ways. White lies and small betrayals. _But will it be worth it? If I can save her? I can save her, but what if I lose her in the process? I am so selfish. I must, if she is sick. They have all died._ She closed her eyes tightly against the thought.

Cosima’s breathing was shallow, labored, but she seemed to be sleeping peacefully. Delphine watched her. Her expressive face relaxed and blank, the natural dip of her lip, the soft round contours of her eyes. _Mon dieu, she is the most beautiful person, the most precious_ … Her thought broke at the sound of her own muffled sob. _Stop it, Delphine._

The woman beside her shifted, her eyes began dancing behind her eyelids, her lips twitching in speech heard only in REM. Her body stiffened and her hand squeezed Delphine’s torso as she began to move, just slightly, and mumble.

“No, no, not yet.” The expression on her face sliced through the blonde. Her eyes were still closed but she looked stricken, lost. Delphine felt the tears welling up. She knew what the words “I am sick” truly meant, and she knew Cosima understood too. 

Delphine’s eyes were pulled down in concern, a lip pulled between teeth as she slowly started to shake the beautiful woman beside her. “Ma cherie,” she cooed, leaning down to brush her lips to her cheek, “Cosima, please, wake up. Shhhh”

Cosima’s body stilled all of a sudden, and her eyes fluttered once, then twice, opened for a brief moment, then she squeezed them shut and clutched the blonde’s hand in hers. “I’m, I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”

“No, ma cherie, no. I was awake. You were having a bad dream.” She kissed her cheek, her forehead, and slid down to wrap her arms around her and kiss her temple. Cosima relaxed into her arms, laid her head on Delphine’s shoulder. 

“I’m …” Cosima wasn’t sure what to say, where to go, how to explain that she felt the possibilities, the plans, the potential of her life being drained of color, distant and mocking. How pissed and helpless she felt. How confused she was at Delphine’s loyalties. She knew she cared, she knew she wanted her, but all the rest, the most important stuff now that she was fighting for her life, her sisters’ lives. What did she know? 

“It’s okay, Cosima.” She kissed her temple again and squeezed her. “You’re safe with me.”

Cosima wasn’t sure if those were the most comforting words she had ever heard or the absolutely wrong ones. _Safe!!! SAFE? You work for Leekie!_ She looked up as she laid in her arms, meeting Delphine’s eyes for the first time, now very close to her own.

“Am I?” She leveled the words at the blonde's open expression, harsh and completely at odds with the soft embrace she’d awoken to.

Before Delphine could mask it, a broken, helpless look washed her face, her throat constricted as if in pain. Cosima could see the tears welling before the blonde turned her head and sat up, looking away, doubling over herself and trembling, ever so slightly, on her side of the bed. 

_She’s as stuck as I am._

“Cosima,” her voice cracked, but she busied her hands, still looking away. “I know I made a terrible mistake. I do not know if it is unfair of me, but, I ... I, please, I hope you can believe me when I tell you I …” she pulled her lip between her teeth and looked back at Cosima, now sitting in bed. “I care about you. I want to help you. I want to keep you safe.” She turned away again, a snuffle, a sob escaping. “I know this is not fair to you. I don’t know what to do. You know DYAD is … they are your best chance.”

She pulled on her bra, feeling suddenly exposed to the brunette’s harsh gaze. She grabbed the extra robe and tugged it over her arms and began rustling in her bag, pulling out her kit. Cosima took the cue, and did the same, grabbing her clothes.

“You said last night that you wanted me to take some samples, yes? For Scott?” Her back straightened and her motions seemed utterly composed. She unpacked then slotted the needle in the syringe, reaching out to Cosima to wrap her arm with the band. 

There were obvious tears in her eyes, but the moment had passed, neither wanted to talk about the heavy truth between them.

“I always like to play a little music? Is that okay? It calms the nerves.” She placed her phone on the table, angled against a book to allow the sound to carry. The move was an obvious attempt to change the tone, relieve the need to speak, distract herself. 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

She already knew the first thing she would do when she left - she would take one of those vials to Leekie. She would separate the blood, so a missing vial wouldn't be noticed, and she would take it straight to the one person Cosima begged her not to. _Will she ever understand? Will she forgive me for valuing her life over her trust? Her wishes? I will lose her, maybe. Yes. Eventually._

And she became angry. She was angry at Leekie for putting her in this position. Perhaps he had planned it all along, played her. 

But then she was also happier than she had ever been in her life. She remembered how Cosima looked at her last night. Accepted again, beyond all hope or reason, by this wonder of a girl that lit up her life. Her tenderness, the way she had touched her, reverently, the glimmer in her eye when she looked into Delphine’s. _I do not deserve her. I do not deserve her. I can save her though. I will save her._

“Please, just come to the DYAD event.” 

“Think what you’re asking me to do.”

“We can negotiate your position, but you need to start talking to Leekie. We need the DYAD now.”

“We?” Cosima asked, surprised, but also accusing. _Yes, we. Don’t you know that’s what I am now? Part of we._

“You. If you are sick.”


End file.
